God Is...

By Sandy Pilotte

The day I found the lump, I was getting ready for my son's preschool graduation. I was not only his mom but also his teacher. My initial thought was, "Oh, I am just being paranoid." Two weeks later, the doctor confirmed what I had feared... breast cancer. This was the day I began a journey of faith, hope, and healing. These are the things I learned about God during this time.

God is gracious. I was not one to routinely check for lumps. I felt this bump early and the cancer had not spread.

God is my strength. Soon after I was diagnosed, I went and spoke to one of the preschool directors and told her what was going on. The four-year olds brought me so much joy and energy, I couldn't imagine my days in the fall without them. However, I also didn't know how sick I would be with my treatments and I thought it might be best to step down. Linda said so gently, "Sandy, we can work this out if you want to stay." I only missed 4 days of work. I was able to continue working throughout my treatments because of the incredible staff at the preschool, especially Mrs. Cyphers, who always was willing to step in and help out. I cannot express how important the preschool was to my healing. For four precious hours, four days a week, I did not think about cancer.

God is my comfort. Initially, when I found out I had cancer, I ran. I did everything I could to control an uncontrollable situation. And one Sunday I heard a sermon which grabbed me and told me to stop. The text for that day was Philippians 4. And the guest pastor asked this question, "Are you praying towards God?" The following Monday, I began my weekday ritual of arising before my family and just sitting before God. In those quiet moments before the noise of the house began, God told me this will be O.K. and he will provide for my every need.

God is my compassion. The day I went to get my head shaved, a group of 5 women from Central joined me. I was thinking to myself, "God, this stinks." It was my son, Ryan's, first day of kindergarten. Something about this picture was so wrong - Kindergarten and cancer. The woman who was to shave my hair told me that day I could keep it for another week. Amazingly, it had not begun to fall out. In my mind I said a prayer thanking God.

God is my provider. One of the first cards I received after being diagnosed had the scripture verse from Psalm 94:18, "When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O Lord, supported me." The people of this congregation some I knew, many I did not, provided meals for my family three times a week for 8 months. Even now the thought brings tears to my eyes. Just when I started to slip, a card, meal, phone call would come and I would be o.k. And I know people were praying for me. Thank you all for your prayers.

So what has changed in my life since breast cancer; I enjoy my boys and my husband so much. I do try to take every moment captive. And I know my God is an awesome God.