Sermon: "Teach Your Children Well"

4th in the "Making Room For Life" series.
Delivered September 28, 2008 by Rev. George Antonakos.
Other sermons in this series - 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

The audio file of this sermon is available for download and listening in MP3 format.

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Would you raise your hand if you are a parent? If you are a parent, keep your hand up, okay. And would you now take the other hand and join it up here like this and give yourselves a round of applause, because your job is the hardest job ever. There are two kinds of parents, generally speaking. It might not be good to use these broad strokes, but here today one group of parents maybe thinks that they are doing or have done a pretty good job raising their kids. Maybe if you were going to give yourselves a grade you might be C+ and higher, you know all the way up to A. And then there is another category of parents that are on the other side. They think, well I think I have not done that well and maybe C- all the way down to F. And there may be people here today who obviously are not parents. Maybe you are engaged, you're young marrieds, you're hopeful singles and you have a certain degree of eagerness and expectation about having children or not; everything from I am never having kids to we are going to have six or more. That was Ellen's number and my number as we set out and when we got to pregnancy number three we were disabused of that idea and there are kids of different ages here. If I said to you and I would never want you to do this really, but if I said to you give your parents a grade on how they are they doing right now, we might have all kinds of grades out there. You may be saying when I am a parent I will never do this or whatever. You know, you have got to be careful kids because it you give your parents a D or an F, God might be giving them an A or a B, right? You never know. You got to understand that how they are doing, hopefully they are doing because they are doing before the face of God.

Well the fact of the matter is that I think and most parents and everybody here today who is a parent I think it is safe to say that you love and want the best for your children no matter what age they are. Nothing brings a parent more joy in their heart than when their children take in and live out the values that are important to their parents, and nothing breaks the heart of a parent more when that doesn't happen. But it's funny, sometimes we can be like the Apostle Paul in Romans, Chapter 7 when he said, "The good I try to do, I don't do." Sometimes we can think we are doing good for our kids and it ends up being not so good. I think of my mom and dad and I think about my elementary years and some of the puzzlement of what was going on because of their relationship and eventual divorce. And I think at the time they thought it was very important that I not understand certain things and not have certain things communicated with me, and I think they were doing that because they truly had my best interest at heart. But later I found out that it was really stifling me not to have an understanding of what was going on. And so, even the best parents can think they are doing something that is positive and good and yet it turns out that it doesn't do the good that they thought.

And there are some here, too, today who have been hurt deeply because their parents treated them poorly and probably that's because their parents treated them poorly and so on and so forth and back we go. And I am sorry if that is your case, but I can say this with confidence that even with that kind of thing, even if you have grown up on the short end of the stick, God can even take that kind of thing, that intention, and turn it toward good, if we will trust God and use even the hurt in a positive way.

If you ask me today, "Well, Pastor George, how would you grade yourself as a parent?" That's a dangerous question. You know, I would probably come back to you and say, "With which kid?" You know that is the first thing that I would ask. But overall, generally speaking, I would say, a C. You say, "Oh you are being hard on yourself". I don't know. I think I could have done a better job. You know if I ask my kids, that's even a more dangerous question, ask my kids to give me a grade, I don't even think I would want to ask them. Even though I am proud of my kids and I'm grateful for how they have grown as adults and their strengths, that grade is not about them. It's about my sense that I could have done things differently. And then you are probably sitting out there if you are a parent of any length of time saying, "Well, welcome to the club, couldn't we all?"

However, last month our kids threw a surprise 35th anniversary party for us and pulled out all the stops and that night, that night alone I felt like I was in the A range when that was going on. But I don't feel qualified. I am saying all of this to simply say I don't feel that qualified to teach today based on experience; based on attention maybe, but not necessarily experience. I am a bit hesitant, but I take heart because there are no perfect parents and there are no perfect people. And as Rabbi Harold Kushner once observed, even God didn't raise perfect children. We all struggle. We all fail. We all come here today broken and probably looking back and thinking man, if I could have a few days back in my parenting, I would really love it. But we have learned as believers in Jesus Christ where to take every failure, straight to the foot of the cross, because love covers a multitude of sins and when we come to Christ we can give to him all of our errors, all our positives and he can make something out of it. I would like to think of us if we are really walking with God on the road and trying our best like, we are like scientists in search of the truth. You know a scientist even when they have a failed experiment or they do something wrong they don't stop, they don't stop searching in trying to get closer to what it is that God has for them or that they desire as a goal and so in this way we are trying to move closer to the truth as people, as Christians.

And so, we come to Deuteronomy, Chapter 6, Verses 1 to 9 and I think what we have here is the ideal. We have something that is closer to the truth. Here Moses is addressing a generation of Israelites whose parents made a huge mistake. They did not trust God. They did not believe God's word. They complained against God and now in the 40th year at the end of the wilderness wandering, Deuteronomy is all about Moses, before he departs up the mountain and goes to be with God, is giving them the final words that they need to hear; a new generation. Think what it would be like for a new generation standing on the edge of the Promised Land hearing these words again and that's exactly what Deuteronomy is all about, and especially these first chapters. So let's pray and we are going to look at Deuteronomy 6 together.

Lord, we do thank you for your word. It is a lamp unto our feet, a light unto our path, as we read it, as we hear it, help us to understand the grace that is in it and how it all points to our Lord Jesus Christ in whose name we pray. Amen.

If you would like to follow along with me there are Bibles scattered throughout under the chairs or you can just watch it up on the screen.

"These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

The first few verses of this text Moses is like a parent and he is kind of modeling what it is that he wants his hearers to do. He says, just like a father, "Listen, I know what the most fruitful future will be for you if you will just listen and it won't just be fruitful for you, it will be fruitful for your grandchildren and you will be blessed and you will increase greatly and you will enjoy life and the new environment you are in will just be what you need." He is modeling. He is expounding. He is rehearsing. He is repeating. He is reaffirming. He is pointing back. He is saying, remember when and he is pointing forward and he is wetting their appetite for what can be. He is driving home the truth on the threshold of a new situation, to a new generation. When do parents kick into this gear? Parents usually kick on to this gear with their kids when their kids are on the edge of a new territory. It could be preschool. It could be first grade. It could be going on a trip. It could be college. It could be all kinds of things, but when we get to those points of okay, here's a new step and there is a little fear and trepidation, parents say, "Just trust God. Remember who you are. Remember whose you are." We say this our kids you know. You represent the family as you go out from here. You represent the church if you are going on a mission trip. What you do reflects on the whole community. So live well and be strong. Our student ministry here, borrowing from Andy Stanley's church, tries to get across seven core lessons that we want high school students to come away with when they are done being in fellowship here, because we know that when they get off to work or off to school they are not going to have the same kind of environment and it's a fact that many Christian kids lose sight of the principles that they were focused on even through their youth and through their teaching.

I ran in to my nephew the other day. His name is Jimmy. He is my brother's boy and he's a strong believer and he helps youth over at Grace Fellowship and it's the first time that I had seen him in a while. He was married in May and this was just last week and so I said, "Jimmy, how are you? It's so good to see you. How's married life treating you?" He goes, "It's great. I can't believe how great it is. I didn't think it could be this great." And then all of sudden he just offered and I wasn't asking, he just offers, he goes, "I am so glad that I waited to have sex until I was married." I said, "Well, that's good. " I wasn't prepared for that, but that's good, you know. And he says, he tried to teach the kids he works with and you know, "It really works, you know? This is the best thing." And sometimes, I will see guys and girls over in the youth group and we've got this thing going and I will say, "How's it going?" They are going, "Great, no sex, no sex. That's good. We are doing good." Trying to drive home the things that are going to make a difference, long run.

Now, if that's not you, no guilt. God covers everything, but he is saying, "This worked for me, because I listened to what God had to say." It is reminiscent somewhat of, if you go even younger that book, "All I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten", it reminds me of my wife's rules. She is a preschool teacher. She has rules and they are written down and also some verbally communicated. Things like share; these are the basic things that we learn very early. If we can keep these in mind, we are going to be blessed. Don't hit. Clean your messes up. Put things where you found them. Use an inside voice. Don't yell, right? Say you are sorry if you hurt somebody. Flush. Wash hands, right? See what is the first verb in the Dick and Jane readers. See, look. If you see; that is what Moses is doing. He says, "If you see and look, you are going to be blessed beyond your imagining. And now where are kids supposed to learn this? Instinct? Reading? Taking a course? No, from their parents. And so by way of review, here are three basics for parents and children. Three core lessons that if you hold these close to you, you will be blessed by God. It doesn't mean you won't have problems, but you will navigate through them with God's wisdom.

Here is lesson number one and it's found in Verse 4. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one." This is the great confession of faith. This is what the Hebrew calls, The __Shema___, the great confession, hero Israel. The Lord our God is one. This is in order to get the people of God to think single-mindedly about who they worship and serve, because Moses is saying to them, "You are about to go in to a theological and spiritual danger zone. You are going to be surrounded by people who think that there are okay alternatives to the living and true God. I don't want you to do that." Now most of you gathered here today, I would think are monotheistic; you believe in one God, the true and living God; not polytheistic like there are more than one. As Christians, let me just take a little dirt road here, as Christians believing in the trinity, the doctrine of the trinity, we don't believe that there are three Gods. We believe there is one God manifest in being as three distinct persons, but not separate. Distinct in role, but equal in essence, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesus said, "I and the Father are one." So the best preparation for being a great parent, being a great person is trusting Jesus Christ with your life, of having him come in to your life and take over by faith and letting him live through you in the power of the Holy Spirit. But the "Making Room for Life" emphasis, as we are doing this series today, is that we may unknowingly as good parents be bowing down to the God of all consuming activities for our children. That is kind of what this skit was trying to aim at and it's definitely what this video testimony is trying to get across to you.

Rebecca S. who is rather new to Central, but is part of our worship planning team, when we were talking about this sermon and this service said, "You know what, I can really relate to what Randy Frazee's saying about all consuming activities. Listen to her own personal words about her experience.

"When I was four years old, my mom noticed that I had way too much energy for my own good and I had been watching the Olympics on and off and decided that gymnastics was something that I definitely wanted to try. So she enrolled me in some classes and it was just a class a night and then as I got in to it more, two classes a week and over time and eventually I was asked to join the team and the team was actually a commitment of three nights a week, plus Saturdays and then eventually four nights a week and Saturdays and a lot of our weekends were spent traveling to competitions and meets and competing. So I quickly got thrown into this busy life and on top of that I wanted to do all the things my sister was doing so I was also in Girl Scouts and I was taking piano lessons and I had recitals and I had Brownie meetings on top of this four nights of week at the gym and just kind of constantly going and I remember getting off the bus and sitting in the car and actually having a plate set on my lap and I would eat on my trip to the gym and then spend the whole evening there and doing homework on the way home with the light on in the back seat. Through high school I did okay. I was able to maintain myself and keep up with everything, but I got to college and again my first semester was a slower time and I was quickly recruited to play field hockey in college. I was asked to do an internship and an assistanceship and then I took on a job and I decided to graduate early and I took on all of these responsibilities and then my junior year of college I got sick and suddenly all of these things that I had committed to and all these responsibilities I had, I couldn't, I wasn't able to physically do them or even mentally keep up with them and still I had to start finding ways to shed them off and God really spoke to me at that time and started turning my focus and my attention towards a relationship.

I have this need to feel accomplished and that's how I measure my accomplishment, but there is God on the other side saying that's not what success and accomplishment really means to me and I have to remind myself constantly now because it is built in to me to be busy and the desire to drive and move forward and just keep accomplishing. I have to constantly step back and God is constantly reminding me the importance of spending time with him and committing time to him and committing time to others. I think the important thing for parents to remember and an important thing to communicate to children is that our value is not found in those things that we do and those rarely things that we accomplish. It is not found in a certificate on the wall or in a trophy sitting on a shelf and while all of those things are amazing accomplishments and amazing commitments that our real value, and who we really are is founded in Christ and our commitment and love to him. The world's view of success and accomplishment isn't God's view and so I realize that while I was neglecting all of these really important things on his end, everything that I was accomplishing really did add up if I didn't have that love and those relationships, particularly my relationship with God."

One of the words that Randy Frazee uses in his book and you have probably heard it in other contexts is muscle memory; that we start to do certain things and then when we try to undo them our muscle memory kicks in and it's very hard to undo them. And I think that is what she was saying that the sense of all consuming-nesss of those activities, even though they are very good, see there is nothing wrong with gymnastics, there is nothing wrong with wrestling, there is nothing wrong with baseball, there is nothing wrong with any of it, but if it gets to a place where it gets in the way and we start to think differently or don't have time for God or don't have time for family, then that's the challenge that we are trying to put out there.

Single-mindedness before God. Lesson 2. Quickly. Verses 5 and 6; this is where it is found. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts." This is God's way of saying, "I just don't want you to follow a set of rules. I don't want you to just check things off and say, okay I am doing alright." It's his way of saying, I want a love relationship between you and between you and I and Jesus picked up on this and he said in John, Chapter 14, "He who has my commandments and treasures them, that's the person who loves me." Not just like a robot, just keeps them and checks them off, but the one who sees these commandments as a means of establishing a relationship that's full and meaningful.

One of the best illustrations that I have ever heard about the difference between legally following God and following by grace is about a woman who was married to a tyrant and he was abusive and before he went to work he would make lists of everything that she was supposed to do and they better be done when he got home. She hated him. Fortunately for her the guy died and she married another guy a year later; totally different. Loved her like there was no tomorrow. She loved him. There was a beautiful relationship. One day as she was going about all of her work, she comes across a piece of paper that was stuck under the couch and she pulls it out and there she sees a list. It was one of his old lists and she found without any thought at all, she was doing everything on the list because there was a sense of love involved in the relationship. So this is a check against legalism. We have to, if we are going to own what we teach our kids, there has to be something about our relationship with God that is real and that is emotive and that has to do with someone who is living, not just somebody who is checking things off with.

Lesson 3; Verse 7. This verse 7 carries it to the rest of the way. "Impress them on your children." Single-mindedly devoted to God in a loving, dynamic relationship, now out of that impress these truths, impress God's word through you on to your children. These are metaphors. The rest of this is metaphors. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, tie them as symbols, and put them on your foreheads. Actually the Jews started to really do this. They are called phylacteries. They wrote things out. They had little boxes. They put them on their foreheads. They put boxes with scripture verses in the corners of their houses. That wasn't the intent. I mean it's okay. It is okay to put a scripture verse on your doorframe, but that's not what ultimately is going to do it. This was Moses' way of saying this has to be deep within you. This has to be a core value if it is going to get transmitted.

You know we have core values as a congregation; a list of eleven things. Just because those things are written down doesn't mean they are our core values. Our core values are something that happen not from a mental assent, they happen from a deep emotional center.

I will give you an example of core values or just values period. Every day you express values; every single day. You are not even aware of it. I broke my cell phone here. It's got a crack right on the front here. I think I had it on my belt and I put my seatbelt on and I cracked it. I have been carrying it around that way for a long time. It was probably six months since I bought it. Finally went to the guy and I said at store, "Could you replace that, could you replace that little thing?" He looks up that thing and he says, "No, you don't have insurance. For $100 we will give you the same phone." I looked at the crack, thought about what it would cost and I said, "No, that crack is not worth $100." See, just a value judgment on the spot.

Here, I will give you another one. Let's say we went to the highest skyscrapers of New York City and between two of them we put a rope and one side you are and I am on the other side. I say, "Okay, here is this 50 feet or whatever it is. For $100 would you make your way across, however you could get across for $100." "No way I am going to do that. I don't value that. I value my life a lot more than that." "How about $1,000, would you do it then?" "No, too little." "How about 1 million?" Now some of you are starting to think, well maybe for a million I might try this. But if I said, "You know what, oh look there is your child, they are hanging from the other side. They need your help." What would you do then? You wouldn't even think about it, because deep from the inside is a core value that you would act on immediately and that's what he is saying when he talks about impressing them on your children. If they are going to get impressed on your children, they have to be owned from an emotional center. If God is first and our relationship with God is first, and not based on fear, but on love or not based on legalism, that value will ooze out into every space and we will talk about those vales in the close-up places of our homes. Did you know that you can bowl a 300 game anytime? Do you know how you can do it? Instead of standing 60 feet away, you can walk up to 15 feet down the ally and bowl from there and you can bowl a 300 game every single time. The lesson: error increases relative to distance. Said in another way, you can impress from a distance, but you can only impact up close. That requires time. It requires authenticity and isn't that another definition of the Incarnation. God getting close. God coming down to be near us, to be with us.

In Mark, Chapter 3:14 it says, "Jesus called 12 that they might be with him so that he might send them and give them spiritual authority." Isn't that what we want for our children? That they would come to a place of spiritual authority on their own, a place that is not borrowed, but a placed that is owned, because we have been with them and we have been with God and they have seen it and they see that it is real. That's the goal as parents that we have. We all miss the mark. We all miss the mark, but thankfully we can remember the Lord Jesus in our failure. You know next week we are going to have that communion table down here and we are going to gather around. Just like Moses was saying "Remember this", when we gather around that table, even now, whenever you feel like you are in a new territory, maybe you are in a new chapter of your life, maybe you are starting something and you don't know if you are going to have the strength to complete it; maybe you are afraid, remember Christ. Come close to Christ, because he has come close to you. He will give you the strength that you need as you move forward. We and our kids will reach a place of emotional maturity when we stop remembering in a negative way, when we stop blaming our parents or being resentful towards them realizing that they did the best they could with what they had. But more importantly, we will come to a place of spiritual maturity when we confess deep within our center that God through out Lord Jesus Christ has everything we will ever need for a blessed life and to love God with all that we are, even through our failures, is the surest way to please our heavenly father and to teach our children well.

Let's pray. Lord, we thank you for your love. We thank you for your grace. We thank you that indeed love covers a multitude of sins. I pray that you would seal this words to our hearts, that you would help us now to understand what it is that you are saying to each of us, as we offer ourselves to you. Amen.

© 2008, Rev. George Antonakos
Central Presbyterian Church, Baltimore, MD 21204 410/823-6145
www.centralpc.org